Some things every single and married couple should learn in order to have a successful relationship or marriage

Marriage is an institution. You keep learning. The wisdom you have is the degree to which you know you are ignorant. I keep learning myself, and I don’t see myself as an expert…mostly I learn new things myself some of those times while writing!

When you approach marriage with the all-knowing attitude, you would soon be disappointed that you know nothing. When you have been married for a few years and you think you’ve really known your spouse, you’ll be so surprised when you meet a couple who have been together for some forty years and they tell you they are still trying to discover themselves! And they are being sincere!

That is the way it is. A man is never a simple being. A man is complex, really, because of experiences, outlook to life, belief systems, mindsets, (which are often set in bricks!) and temperamental dispositions!

So here are a few things you need to learn to have a successful relationship or marriage

1. Apologising first is a sign of strength

Since, I am the head of the house, I expect my wife to apologise first at any instance! You are wrong.

Since he is the one that offended and hurt me, I expect him as the head of the house to initiate an apology. You are wrong!

So who should apologise first?

Archbishop Benson Idahosa of blessed memory was asked the question, “who apologises first when you have a quarrel?”

He said, “I do!”

“But sir, you are the head of the house?”

To which he replied them, “You go and be head over trouble!”

So who apologises first? Any of you! Both of you! The person that apologises first is the most matured!

But Pastor, if I apologise first all the time, he or she would not learn and she would keep making more mistakes and wait for me to always apologise every time! Nothing is more wrong that that notion!

When you keep apologising first, it is a sign of strength and not weakness because you keep teaching your spouse how to live! He or she would soon catch up on that.

The benefits of apologising first and resolving an issue immediately far outweigh the consequences of being stubborn and recalcitrant and living in strife! When you are in strife, it is like organising a reception for the devil in your matrimonial home!

For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. (James 3:16 KJV)

2. Disagreements don’t have to lead to quarrels

You really need to learn this, don’t you? If you don’t learn this, you will quarrel everyday! You see, if the two of you are human beings, and one is not an alien, then you will be thinking. A man thinks! Now, the way a man thinks is so different from the way a woman thinks! It is as the heaven is higher than the earth! It is like when it comes to thoughts, they live on different planets, maybe the man from Mars and the woman from Jupiter or Neptune, and then both of them have to now live on earth!

That is an exaggerated illustration, but certainly, we think differently. Our differential reasoning and thoughts lead to disagreements. But disagreements can be healthy when it is properly handled. The husband, though the head of the home, is not all wise. He is very logical, but he lacks the intuition of a woman! He is a provider but he lacks the touch of what makes a house a home! The balance then is to learn to disagree to agree. The man should bury his ego and allow his wife to contribute at home! If you keep muting her, you will regret it later when you needed her to speak up!

I am wise. I am open to God’s wisdom

Lord, I receive strength to do the needful in Yahushua’s name

As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife. (Proverbs 26:21 KJV)

Go and say sorry!


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