Dear Pastor, How do I fall in love the right way and without hurting myself?

We’ve been looking at the topic on Falling in love and we are not done yet. The next question is how. How do I fall in love? Again, I will be answering this question by God’s Spirit by telling you how not to fall in love.

Falling in love is a special experience, or so it is intended to be. But there are ways to fall in love. The foundation to falling in love the right way is to fall in love with God first. God Himself is love and when you fall in love with Him, He will teach you and help you to understand what real love is. So when somebody comes toasting and cajoling you, you will know right away whether it is love or lust! God is the lover of your soul and He is your first true lover! Any attempt to ignore Him is at your own peril to your eventual love life. Without Him, you will never be able to know how to love and how to be loved. Here are a few ways not to fall in love.

1. Don’t fall in love secretly.

I have said it many times; a godly relationship is not a secret cult. It is not a fraternity between two people. If you like yourself and you will like to protect yourself, heed my advice this day by the Spirit of God, don’t fall in love with a closed up person. Let your friends know about it. Let your Pastor know about it. The moment he or she insists that nobody should know, that should be red light for you. Why hide something that is meant to be good news?

When I asked my wife out while we were students and she said ‘Yes,’ I announced to all that cared to listen! It was a joyful experience for me as a twenty-four year old chap! I later got married at twenty-seven years of age some three years later in 1999. (Some of you are calculating my age right now; it’s okay!)

Are you in a relationship where nobody knows except the two of you? Why would that be? The risks are high! The first sign of commitment in a relationship that is intended to lead to marriage is that the authority figures in your lives will be involved. While this may not totally ensure the success of the relationship, it goes a long way to validate the relationship.

2. Don’t fall in love hopelessly.

When you are falling in love, fall in love with some life! Don’t fall in love with a profile on social media. You may be disappointed. Don’t fall in love with a picture! You never know who you are dealing with! Before you give your heart out, be sure you see the person you are dealing with, or else your heart can be wrenched apart! “Pastor, it is not just a profile, I heard his voice!” It is still the same hopelessness, falling in love with a voice. Who owns the voice?

The rule of thumb is simple, never give any commitment to someone you have not seen. If he is not committed to travel down to where you are, or he doesn’t have enough money to come or he doesn’t have the time, then he is not ready for marriage. I know there can be situations when the persons are far away, probably in another country, then get family members who are around involved.

You cannot just fix a wedding date with somebody in Brazil and then travel there. I cannot recount how many have called me to talk about the greatest disappointment of their lives upon emptying their accounts and resigning from work to go and meet a guy somewhere who eventually turns out to be mentally imbalanced. A word is enough for the wise.

3. Don’t fall in love carelessly.

Don’t fall in love carelessly. You met two hours ago. Now you are in bed! That is not love! That is lust and you are going to be dropped soonest like hot potatoes! The principles of God are being violated like that and you are not going to have His support. The purpose of falling in love is not to take somebody to bed; it is to take somebody down the aisle. Jericho trap with someone will never be able to prove your love. They are just not the same, otherwise, the prostitute will fall in love with all her clients, but it never happens that way. Fall in love with care and caution!

Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: (Proverbs 2:11 KJV)

4. Don’t fall in love foolishly.

Fall in love with your common sense! Don’t fall in love with a married man or woman! He tells you that you are the one he loves. That is a lie! He loves his wife at home; they might just have issues. Why fall in love and play the second fiddle? Why fall in love with a man that visits twice a week in a house he rented for you? What kind of life is that? God has got your own spouse for you, but you will keep on delaying what God wants to do when you are busy carrying out your own agenda. Be wise!

A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. (Proverbs 9:13 KJV)

5. Don’t fall in love with a stranger

Don’t fall in love with somebody you don’t know. In fact, it never happens, it will never be love when it is a stranger. There is nothing like love at first sight, only with foresight. There may be a ‘knowing’ at first sight, but it is never love at first sight. Why? You cannot fall in love with somebody you don’t know! The rush of adrenaline in your body does not translate into love! Body chemistry is not love! Infatuation is not love. Lust is not love. Love is a deeper ‘sensing’ and knowing, more than a feeling, it is an assurance, and it is deep seated in the heart.

It’s not something that happens with a stranger. Fall in love with a friend, not with a stranger, so that strange things will not happen to you! You don’t’ even know her name, and you are saying you are in love!

For married people, never get tired of your spouse. You have to keep falling in love over and over again. Wives, learn to dress for your hubby at home, he is moved by sight, so stop tying wrappers all the time unless that is what your husband wants. Go get some lingerie and learn to fire up his blood. It is a holy thing to do, for your husband!

I pray that God will grant more understanding.

Tomorrow, we will look at the last in the series, “Why fall in love.”

If this blesses you, then join us to reach others so they can also be blessed. INVITE your friends to join us now ===> FOLLOWERS OF CHRIST (FOC)

CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I know how to fall in love the right way
Married: I am falling in love with my spouse over and over again

PRAYER FOR THE DAY
Lord, teach me to know what I don’t know in the realm of my emotions..

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things; Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness; Who rejoice to do evil, and delight in the frowardness of the wicked; Whose ways are crooked, and they froward in their paths: To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flattereth with her words; Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God. For her house inclineth unto death, and her paths unto the dead (Proverbs 2:11-18 KJV)

ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Take an inventory of your love life

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